Proof of Life
by Chanialia
Summary: Spencer has a hard time trusting the team again after Emily's return.
1. Chapter 1

Set after 7x02 "Proof."

* * *

Reid wasn't too enthusiastic about attending Rossi's cooking lesson. He was not exactly in the mood to socialize with the rest of the team. In the end, his stomach and a vague sense of duty brought him there. That, and a chance to see Emily off-duty, which he couldn't resist despite how mad he still was at her. He was late, but apparently still in time for the first toast.

Rossi raised his glass. "We're gonna do this all together, just like . . . a family." They clinked their glasses and drank. Spencer smiled at everyone, but inside Rossi's statement re-lit his seething anger.

_What a joke. What kind of family would have lied to each other like this? And we're just going to act like it's all behind us already? Well then, I can pretend too. I'll pretend that everything's fine. I'll pretend that the woman I've loved for years didn't lie to me about being dead. I'll forget that the people I trusted most in the world didn't lie to me too. I'll pretend that I can stand seeing her alive again, having her with us again, without getting to touch her the way I need to, to feel that she's really back. I'll pretend it's ok that she'll still never feel about me the way I feel about her. I'll pretend that it's ok that I'm just one of six friends she mourned, knowing that we were alive, when my heart was breaking every day and it's breaking every day still._

As the evening progressed Emily watched Reid carefully. He smiled, he joked, he seemed to be having as good a time as everyone else. But she noticed that when he thought no one was looking the smile faded fast. And there was a hard edge to his voice sometimes, despite his efforts to disguise it.

They had finished the main course and were relaxing before Rossi's dessert lesson when she noticed that Reid had disappeared. She went out the front door, hoping he hadn't left. She found him beside his car, leaning his upper body forward against it as he kicked hard against a tire.

"Reid! Are you alright?"

She saw him sag before pulling himself up and turning to face her. "Does it look like I'm alright?"

"Well, no it doesn't. Is there anything I can do?"

_You can let me hold you and kiss you and prove to myself that you're really alive, and make you promise, PROMISE to never leave again . . . but since you're not going to do that . . ._ "No. I don't think so."

"Can you come in then? I bet we wouldn't want to miss the tiramisu."

"Right." He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. _Of all the things we could miss, who cares about a stupid dessert? I've had enough of this for one night._ "We wouldn't want to miss that." He turned and got into his car, starting it up and backing out so quickly that Emily had to scramble to get out of the way. He peeled out of Rossi's driveway, faster than Emily had ever seen him drive before.

She was surprised, but also mad. After everything she'd been through, was it all to get run over by the man she'd missed the most? The one she'd hoped to build something new with, now that there was nothing to run away from anymore? She climbed into her own car and sped off after him.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily couldn't quite catch up to Reid, but she did know where he lived and she pulled up next to his building just as he made it inside the front door of his apartment building. She ran to catch it and was relieved to find it not quite closed, so she hurried inside and ran up the stairs after him.

Hearing her approach, he stopped outside his door and turned to face her, anger written clearly on his face. "Why are you following me?"

"Because we're not done talking. And because I don't appreciate you almost running me over."

"Well then, I'm sorry I almost hit you. But I really don't want to talk you right now."

"Well, I want to talk to you! For seven months I've wanted to talk to you, to tell you the truth. And now you're shutting me out, shutting all of us out, and I just want to talk!"

_I don't want to talk. I just want YOU._ Spencer didn't reply, and his face showed no signs of apology.

Emily stepped closer. "What do you want? Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Whatever it takes, so that you can forgive me."

"You want to know what I really want right now?" He matched her approach, menacingly stepping into her space and using his height to advantage in a way she'd never seen him do.

Emily held her ground. "Tell me."

"What I really want right now is to fuck you until neither one of us can walk straight." It was the truth, but he really said it just to shock her. He expected her to slap him, to turn around and run back down the stairs, but she didn't. Instead she stared back at him, challenging.

"Yeah? Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes, I think it would."

"Then let's go. I've always wanted to anyway."

Some unnamed emotion flashed in his eyes at that comment, and then he was on her, his body slamming hers into the wall as their lips clashed together.

Emily whimpered as his lips twisted brutally against hers. He pulled her up roughly against him until her toes nearly left the floor, the pressure of his hips pinning her body to the wall. She grabbed his shoulders and held on for dear life as she opened her mouth, welcoming the thrust of his tongue.

With one shaking hand he somehow managed to unlock his apartment door and open it. He yanked her through the doorway and then he was on her again as he shoved it closed behind them. He expected her to fight him , to resist in some way, but instead she was grabbing him too, kissing back. For some reason that fueled both his anger at the same time that it fueled his hunger for her. After years of wanting her and months of thinking that she was dead, he couldn't bear to wait one more second to have her. Even the couch in the middle of the room seemed too far away and so he pulled her down to floor with him just inside the door.

Her hands on his back and neck were too much, evidence of a desire he wasn't ready to accept. He pulled them away and pinned her hands to the floor near her head as he ground his body against hers. With one hand he kept them there as he reached down with the other to pull up her skirt and open his pants. She still didn't resist as he tugged her panties off and roughly pushed her legs apart. His mind was hazy with need, his body desperate to get inside her, but as he pushed into her, hard and fast, it did register on his awareness that she was very, very wet.

Emily gasped with excitement as he thrust into her. He was mostly silent, panting as he watched her face, the force of his thrusts gradually scooting them across the floor. She left her hands above her head for him to hold down, sensing his need to restrain her. But she couldn't resist wrapping her legs around him. She couldn't stop the moans of pleasure as his cock filled her aching pussy over and over again. As he sped up, she couldn't resist the urge to squeeze him inside her and push her hips against his as best she could.

His pants turned to grunts, then yells as he reached his release, his eyes closing as he shook above her, his hips pushed hard against her as she felt the long hot spurts of his come inside. Finally, his arms seemed to give out and he collapsed onto her, breathing hard. She freed her hands and wrapped her arms around him, feeling his chest expand and contract.


	3. Chapter 3

After a couple minutes Emily realized that Spencer was crying into her shoulder.

"I'm sorry . . . I'm so sorry . . . " he sobbed near her ear.

"Why?"

"Why? Because I practically just raped you!"

Emily smiled, though he didn't see it with his face still buried against her neck. "Oh, Spencer. Haven't you heard you can't rape the willing?"

"But I never wanted it like this. I've loved you for long and I wanted you, so much, but I never wanted it like this."

Her heart soared when she heard that. She'd hoped, but she didn't know for sure until that moment. "I know," she said. "I know. But it's ok. Really it is."

"No it isn't. Everything's ruined. You died. And everyone lied about it. And now I've ruined it too."

She rolled them sideways so that she could look at him. "Spencer, listen. Don't you see? We're alive. We're here together. Nothing else matters."

"I know. And I'm trying to forgive you. I'm trying so hard. But now I don't know how you could ever forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. I meant it when I said I wanted you too."

Spencer searched her face, trying to read her, trying to tell if she was telling him the truth. He saw the love and caring there in her eyes, but after everything he didn't know if he could trust himself to read a friend anymore. She watched him, tears forming in her own eyes as she understood just how deeply he had been hurt. She ran a hand into his hair and pulled him down to kiss her. The touch of his lips lacked the violence that she'd felt earlier, but this kiss was no less desperate.

"I know this wasn't the way you wanted this to happen. Show me how you wanted it to be."

"I can't."

"Yes you can." She sat up, realizing that except for her missing underwear she still had all her clothes on. For that matter, so did he. He hadn't even taken the time to get his pants all the way off. She smiled as she saw the picture he made with them halfway down his legs. "Come on." She stood up and held her hand out to him. After tugging his pants up, he stood and allowed her to lead him to the couch. There were still silent tears leaking from the corners of his eyes, but he looked calmer. They sat together and she put her arms around him. After a second he wrapped his arms around her too and allowed himself to sob quietly into her shoulder, crying out the pain he had felt over her loss and the relief that she was back. They held each other until the tears slowed and his breathing steadied. His catharsis left him feeling oddly empty, as if he was floating. She was his anchor and he clung to her, inhaling the scent of her hair.

Finally drew back and looked at her. He studied her face for a long time, committing every detail to his famous memory. His hands stroked her hair, her cheek, her lips, until he leaned forward and kissed her, very lightly.

Their breathing was still calm and slow as he continued meeting her lips gently, slowly, as if they had all the time in the world. They did now, after all, and what better way to spend it.


End file.
